"why I am the way I am" part 1

Ok, I promised to tell y'all about myself. I don't need to go into details but I feel that if your gonna read my interpetations of life events then you need to know where I'm coming from.
I grew up in a trailor park in southern Dallas county. My father was a gas man and volunteer park ranger. My mom was an artist. Spent most of those first years camping and being wild. With my dad as a ranger I practically lived at the statepark. And I was lucky enough to get to travel all over the country with my grandpa and his RV. That was my dads father. I get my political streak from his family. My great uncle was William F. Buckley, leader of the conservative movement and had a show on PBS. I never met him or anyone else from that family. My grandma said we're the black sheep cause he marrie and divorced a Mexican then divorced her. But that was from the exwife so who knows? Grandpa was something else. Searved his country in the air force and I loved his stories. My country love of country came from him. He showed me this land, telling me all his stories. But he fell on hard times, fought with his sons, and dissapeared from my life for 7yrs. The we got a call from Washington state saying he had cancer and was dying. I shouldve visited him when I had the chance but I didn't wanna miss the first day of school. Grandpa passed 2wks before I could go. I learned then about priorities and not leaving for tomorrow what u can do today.
My mother was an artist and free spirit. My early life with her was filled with laughter and line dancing. Her and her friends on our street created a support system and raised their kids together. They helped eachother and were always together. My mom was volunteer coordinator. She was my girlscout troop leader. Then sometime around fith my life changed. I'll always remember helping my mother clean the living room, with her new favorite singer blaring in the background. Melissa Ethridge. When the song "Maggie May" came on my mother paused. She asked "do you know why she's singing to another girl?" I was young, of course I had no idea! That's when I first heard the word lesbian. My mommy was a lesbian and my parents were getting divorced. I look back and am so proud of her for coming out. I learned about bravery and strength to be yourself. But at the time it was confusing and devastating. My mother had discovered her lesbianism with my best friends mom. And while I was proud of her, people can be so cruel.
My grandmother still referee to her as the "white devil who stole her son", bless her fiesty little latina heart! But others were worse. The husband of my mothers lover was crazy and abusive. He'd hunt my friend and I down and torment us with all the things our mothers did and how that's why they don't love us anymore. They ended up moving away. My best friend was gone and that loving network of moms who had loved as supported my sister and I our whole lives? Shattered. We were nolonger welcome in their homes. They treated us like we had a communicable disease. Soon they all moved out. My mother couldn't afford to move out right away and they weren't waiting. But soon she was gone too. She had no foundation of her own so she had to leave my sister and I behind. My poor father was never prepared to raise two girls on his own. He was rarely around. Always either working or volunteering at the park. And all the women we considered our second moms had left. Even the girlscout troop disbanded. Intolerence isolated us. When school started it got worse. I never told anyone but they all knew. I still remember the hisses behind me everywhere I went, "don't get to close!""her mom will turn u gay!!""don't be her friend! Her mom will get ya!" I got more isolated. I learned intolerence can destroy a persons spirit. It tears lives apart.
It got worse. My first purse was flushed down a toilet during a choir concert. That nearly broke me. It was a birthday present. But luckily I had a wonderful school counseler and teachers. When they pulled me aside to show me my poor sogging purse they saw me on the edge. They listened to my story. Ms. Emmett let me eat lunches with her and took me on walks during recess. She had my teachers rally aroud me. They took me to my first trip to the salon and showed me how to blowdry my hair. They took me shopping and bought me my first bra. I learned to pay attention to the hurt of those around u. To make a difference.
Then I moved on to JR high and my support system was gone again. I started drinking and partying. All the while a bitter divorce was playing out at home. My sister and I felt like pawns in the middle of a psycological war. We learned the art of lies and manipulation in those years. But I was finding my own family. Misfits who needed eachother to get thru highschool. They became my lifeline. I had been depressed and suicidal for years but I made it thanks to them. They depended on me to be there for them and visa versa. I learned about friendship and loyalty.
It was during those years I got exposed to so many different world views. I split time between catholic and babtist church with my fathers family. I followed my mother in her quest for spirituality and acceptance. He went to a gay and lesbian church for awhile. It was called "The course of miricles" While the chatholic and babtist church all I heard was "it's my way or hell", the course of miricles reminded us that we are all made from god and are loved and accepted my him. I learned that people so differet from ourselves are still people. I also learned about Buddism and respect for all life. I learned about Wicca and how were are all connected thru the flowing energies of our lifeforce. I learned live your life as you will but "harm ye none".
In highschool I threw myself into everything I could. I was miserable at home and while my parents war continued my sister and I were lost. But I loved school! It was my escape. I joined theater, debate, student council, and Latin club. They kept me busy and distracted. I became more involed. I competed in theater, Latin and debate. In student council I became secretary and chaired the energy and enviroment commitee. I learned the value of teamwork and community service. About the value of discovering the lessons of the past. My friends and I were always trying to make a movie. And we did get one filmed! It's not Oscar winner, but we woulda kicked ass at the razzies! Lol! The point was we made that movie. I learned about dependability, hard work and never giving up on a dream.
But it still wasn't enough. I was still searching for love and attention in all the wrong places. What started as a quest for a date to homecomeing became my first pregnancy. It was just after 9/11 and nothing seemed to matter. It was the begining of my senior year. That possitive test was a big smack in the face. But I immediatley knew I would have this baby. My mother pushed for an abortion, she knew I was looking at a hard life and she didn't want that for me. My father pushes for adoption. I refused. My mother became supportive. My father, not so much. The family of my babies daddy took me in. I worked my ass off to make sure I graduated on time. It was hard work and I faced discrimination. I dropped debate and theater cause the new teachers talked down to me about being pregnant. My Latin teacher would send memos about me to my other teachers. I loved latin and wouldn't leave the class, but I was no longer welcome at competitions. Student council rallied around me. The teacher advisors were like my extra moms and championed me against other teachers. The school nurses took me under their wing and bullied my dad into getting me medical attention when my tooth was infected. I learned how much small kindnesses can mean to a person and can change their life. I graduated seven months pregnant but I did it! The administration didn't want me to walk across the stage for my diploma but I insisted. There were seventeen other girls that were pregnant at my school and I always advocated that they could still graduate. I earned it an I was gonna show them that they could too. I showed everyone pregnant teens aren't stupid sluts. We're beautiful and hurt young women that are just as capable as everyone else.

I'm gonna take a break an type the rest in the morning. Bear with me, I'm on my phone and my thumbs are tired! But feel free to share your thoughts so far or share your own stories! Be back soon! Love y'all!